Today is R and my one-year wedding anniversary. R woke me up this morning with a delicious breakfast-in-bed consisting of french toast and homemade blueberry compote, which she then proceeded to throw up about twenty minutes ago. My poor baby. This, we are discovering, is par for the baby making course. She’s been such a good sport about all of the ways that her body has been hijacked by Baby G (nausea, vomiting, fatigue, ligament cramping, wieght gain, et al). Her abdomen has really popped in the last week or so, and for someone who has spent a lot of years working hard on maintaining a healthy physique, she’s been a bit self-conscious about the new look. Mostly, I think, it’s because most people we see don’t know that we’re pregnant yet, so R assumes they’ll think she’s just putting on weight. ;-)
I feel unbelievably blessed to be celebrating our wedding anniversary. Our wedding was, to this point, the best day of my life. We had so many amazing friends and family members surrounding us. The Michigan snow came down fairytale style during the reception, which gave the whole evening a quiet, magical vibe. And I got to marry the very best friend I’ve ever had. All in all, I’d say our wedding was a total win, so it’s fun to celebrate the memory of that day.
This past year, despite several external challenges, has also been a win for us personally. Our relationship is strong, we are surrounded by loving family and friends (who feel like family), and now we’re expecting an oh-so-wanted child. This pregnancy thing isn’t all unicorns and rainbows, though. And even though we knew that walking into the experience, the day-to-day reality of it isn’t always easy. I have a very proactive, “fix-it” personality. I am solution-oriented, so it’s hard to see R uncomfortable most of the time and to not be able to do much to alleviate her discomfort. It’s also hard to walk through the worry of the whole thing. What if this? What if that? Is this safe? Is this normal? I think that, ten weeks in, we’ve now hit a more observant (and less evaluative) stage of the pregnancy. More of an, “oh, that’s interesting” response, rather than an “oh my god, is that bad?” reaction. It’s taken some work to get here, so I’m trying to enjoy the calm when it comes. I’ve found that sitting meditation, even for just a few minutes in my day, has helped to refocus my energy, so that I can loosen the white knuckles and just be in the experience. I tend to forget my body and my mindfulness throughout the day, so just bringing it back to the breath is really helpful.
I know that we are both eternally grateful for how supportive the people in our life have been about this pregnancy. All of our parents have been sweet and diligent about checking in on us, and our friends haven’t sat us down for the “reasons why you have to stop talking about pregnancy 24/7” intervention (a la “The L Word” – a terrible television show). We have plans to go maternity clothes shopping for the first time this afternoon, and we have delicious dinner plans at our favorite schwanky dinner spot in town tonight, which is exciting. But honestly, the part of the day that I most look forward to is laying in bed (or on the couch), watching some netflix, and putting my hand on R’s expanding belly. I know that the baby can’t hear me yet, but I still like to check in with her/him everyday, just so Little G knows how loved (s)he already is…