building a mystery

So Emmett Ever was a girl. A daughter. A tiny, female, barely-bodied, never-worlded person. Her external sex characteristics would have developed more over this past month, but when she was born, she looked more like a boy. She really did.

I love her for this. I love her for misleading the medical community. I love her for misleading us.

She is also, it seems, determined to remain enigmatic on other fronts. Her chromosomal study came back from the Mayo Clinic with no abnormalities. They checked all 46 of her chromosomes, and, in terms of DNA, she was just fine. They have no answers as to what might have caused her anomalies. They’re referring us to a genetic counselor. This will be harder to accept. It will require a new kind of letting go.

For a little girl with two answer-loving mamas, she sure is committed to the mystery. I miss her like I’d miss a limb, but I love the hell out of her for refusing to yield to all of our questions.

Emmett Ever. Our tiny, sweet, riddle of a daughter.


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