more

We had our follow up this morning with the genetic counselor, and I was pretty convinced heading into that appointment that we would be told I was fine, and that what happened to Emmett was anomalous.

Instead, I was diagnosed with Heterozygous Factor V Leiden, which is a hereditary hypercoagulability disorder (the most common of these, impacting around 5% of Caucasians in North America). It causes up to 30% of deep vein thromboses, and about 30% of pulmonary emboli, and it increases a woman’s chance of having multiple miscarriages and stillbirths. A thrombosis (or a series of thromboses) caused by this aspect of my blood is almost certainly what kept Emmett from growing feet, and why she couldn’t keep growing at all. They could put me on blood thinners, which would reduce the chance of a loss like E’s happening again, but doing so wouldn’t eliminate that risk, and doctors can’t even say for sure how much it would help.

I can’t know how I’ll feel once I’ve processed this new blow, but I don’t think that’s a risk I can take. I will be reeling from the pain of losing her for a long, long time, so putting myself, another baby, and the rest of my family through that again seems unthinkable (not to mention that, because of the Graves and the clotting disorder, it’s dangerous to me to try to carry). So now, on top of Emmett being gone, and figuring out how to live with GD and Factor V Leiden, I will almost definitely never carry another child.

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6 thoughts on “more

  1. There are no words for this. I will work on finding some, but for now, I love you both and I’m thinking/praying for you.

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