.keyed-up pomo.

As a scholar of all things queer family, I was surprised to have only just heard about the debacle underscoring Mark Regenerus’ article in Social Science Research (if you too have missed this, here’s a recent primer). That a conservative sociologist (also, expert witness for such vitriolic campaigns as the National Organization for Marriage) would work to undermine the credibility of extant research on same-sex parenting is insulting, but that he would (in the same breath) then advance an indescribably flawed methodology in order to produce his own skewed conclusions on the subject just pisses me off. And, apparently, it’s got the academic community quite steamed as well. Says the internal auditor assigned to investigate how this article made it through the peer review process, “It’s bullshit.”

In this day of gay marriage as a wedge issue in a divisive election year, where fast-food chicken is the token of a movement of bigots, and where our families are put under microscopes from the left and the right, I have the increasing need to temper a rising rage. Call it mama bear syndrome, but I hereby disavow all attempts to discredit my family, intimidate my marriage, or make my children to feel less than their peers. I know that R has more eloquently spelled out her concerns and limits recently on the blog, but I feel the need to put my two cents in. If, in 2012, there are friends or family members in my life who don’t support universal gay marriage and parental rights, then we have no need of one another’s company. I’m done changing hearts and minds; I just want the freedom to live my life in peace and security. It’s not enough for you (a ubiquitous you, not “you” gentle blog readers) to like my family, but disagree with the issue on a global level. Either you respect me as an equal, or you don’t. And if you don’t, then we have no reason to carry on amicably. I suppose this is to say that I am drawing a line in the sand. Having come out 17 years ago, I have gone through a number of stages of activism (rage-filled civil disobedience, well-reasoned calm collective action, leading by example, etc), but I have to say that I’m settling into a “Don’t tread on me” mindset. Other people’s religions need to get their fairytales off of my family and the government needs to protect my rights as a citizen. Until both of those things are happening to my satisfaction, well then I guess the US has one more pissed-off masculine lesbian on its hands…

What’s funny, though, is that the angrier I become in my political/cultural brain, the more vulnerable and happy I become in my personal life. All the bad can get directed at an abstracted “out there” and all the good gets stored up to be savored “in here.” And speaking of “in here,” here’s a recent picture of our 6.5 month old being a ridiculously cute thing along with his gorgeous mama. Who would seek to make these people less than!?!

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8 thoughts on “.keyed-up pomo.

  1. Thank you for this.
    I think there’s lots of folks who don’t get that this issue is not an abstract political one for us. It’s about people questioning the legitimacy of our marriages and our families–doesn’t get much more personal than that.

  2. I cannot begin to imagine how hard it must be for you guys. It is ironic that the US government thinks it has the right to comment on other countries’ human rights issues. I can only hope for your sake that sanity will prevail in the end. So much for separation of church and state. Why do people find same-gender couples so scary? What do they think will happen if these couples are allowed to marry?

  3. amen

    Last night I spent time with some good friends talking about the adoption process that KK and I will have to go through once our son is born. It’s a conversation I’ve had quite a few times recently with friends and family and each time I start talking about the process and the cost ($4500 for adoption and the required estate planning in our community) I get more and more fired up. It infuriates me that if we were a straight couple who had gone through the same process we wouldn’t have any of these expenses or stresses accompanying the birth of our child. KK would just land on the birth certificate and all would be well.

    When I first started down this road I had thought that I might give birth in CT where she would be automatically placed on the birth certificate (my father is a Hospital President in CT and my family would love to have us there for the birth of the baby). I grew up in CT, my family is there, and my parents would be wonderful and kind hosts for us. But then I learned that she would still have to go through the adoption process to ensure that every state would respect her parental rights. There is a part of me that is relieved at the thought of spending the last weeks of this pregnancy in my own home with my own kitties and my own neighbors, but knowing that we will have to be hypervigilant in the hospital about both our care and the hospital’s respect of KK’s part in the life of this child makes me a bit sick.

    While I have always been interested in the institution of marriage from an academic perspective but I’ve never really cared much about how the state views our marriage. Someone else’s unwillingness to see us as married doesn’t change the fact that we are in fact married life partners. But, once the legal status of my relationship started to affect my child I suddenly found a political drive that wasn’t there before. I don’t give a sh!t what people think about me or my wife, but deny my child his rights and I’m going to get seriously upset.

    Maybe I should post on this one in my own blog…..

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