thanksgiving 2012

I wish I had a real update in me because there’s so much to say, but I don’t have the time or the energy. Still, I wanted to thank you all for the love, and to tell you that unless things turn around drastically, Sailor will come home with us either tomorrow night or Saturday morning.

L called at 10pm last night, and we’ve taken turns there with her since then. I was there until 4am, and J was there until noon. We were back and forth all day. Spending this time with L has been profound. Walking with her through her grief has been one of the hardest, most humbling experiences of my life. I will do it the honor of writing about it at some point. In the meantime: L is strong beyond measure, and I am proud to know her. But empathy and open adoption are a crushing duo.

J and I love that little boy something fierce. He is small and beautiful and strong. I can’t wait to know him better, and to tell you all about him as I learn.

It’s insane to imagine going home. We had planned to spend this weekend preparing for him, so nothing is ready. We are going to need some help. (People have already been helping).

Love you guys. Happy Thanksgiving to you all. It’s my favorite holiday; now for whole new reasons.


10 thoughts on “thanksgiving 2012

  1. Oh, R, I am so thankful for the connections you are all making, both with Sailor and with L. I’m thankful that things are working out as you’d all hoped; I’m thankful that you now have two sons; I’m thankful that there are people like you and J in this world to raise our future generations; and I’m thankful that L has you and J, two of the most compassionate people I know, to get through this with. Happy Thanksgiving, indeed.

  2. I remember being very affected when reading Dan Savage’s description in “The Kid” of the hours with his son’s birth mon right after his son entered the world. I can only hope that this trying time is binding L to you, and reminding her of the many reasons she chose you two to place her child with, that you are on her team. And though Sailor may not have had the skin-to-skin time you hoped for, I have no doubt that he’s well aware of how loved he is. I’m holding you all in my thoughts tonight.

  3. Dear Sailor Saul

    Welcome to the world. Your birth mom gave you and your two moms the biggest gift… a family. Her love and theirs surrounds you as you start your journey in life and will be with you always.

    Dear R and J

    Are you feeling a bit overwhelmed by the speed with which things happened? Caught unawares and unprepared? Don’t worry. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have everything perfect for Sailor. Kids are resilient and can thrive under the most trying of conditions… and your home, with your love in it, will be fantastic conditions. Don’t compare how things were with Bram to how they are and will be with Saul. Second children the world over can testify that their parents did things differently! And that’s ok, the intensity with which eldest kids are parented cannot (and doesn’t need to be) sustained. You live and learn, growing calmer and wiser in the process.

    *Ek stuur vir julle liefde, vreugde en vrede uit Suid-Afrika.*
    (I’m sending you love, joy and peace from South Africa.)

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