.sitting in the middle.

This week is brought to you by the word “untenable.” The great lesson of the last seven months seems to be learning to make space. We’ve learned to make space for Louis as a new family member, and our love and capacity has grown exponentially as a result. We’re learning to make space for the big emotions, for uncertainty, and for insecurity right alongside the space for independence, intimacy, and affection. It’s felt akin to learning to juggle on a roller-coaster. On the days I nail it, I feel nearly limitless. Other days, I feel like I’ve dropped all of my stuff in a big disheveled heap and I’m just holding on for dear life. In the last four weeks, I’ve had two real job offers and I’ve had to turn both of them down because of some facet that would have been simply untenable to our family right now. It’s a hard hard gamble to say “No thank you” to a sure thing in favor of ‘what might be.” It is true that I have some potentially serious irons in some interesting fires, but they will take weeks or months to materialize, if at all. As such, I’m just taking it day by day and trying to keep my eyes and ears as open as possible. In the meantime, I’m grateful to have work that (while not particularly lucrative) does keep a roof over our head and food in our bellies while we await the next chapter. I can’t say that I love the liminality; that would be an untruth. However, I do appreciate the person I’ve grown into who can sit with this unknowing, as that has been a skill I’ve lacked in the past.

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In other news, B starts preschool in the morning. Our baby is beginning preschool! How did this happen!? He’ll be there fifteen hours a week total, as it’s a part-time Montessori program. Still, this is the beginning of a whole new level of independence and external influence. We are admittedly excited for him and nervous for us.

Also, we took both boys to their first nighttime adult concert last week out-of-state. With their noise canceling headphones on, Lou slept through the whole show and Bram stayed awake and alert throughout…even getting to meet the band afterward. Such a fun trip (sans the hysterical infant in car seat portions). I have a really funny elevator story concerning R and B for another post.

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And not to be left out, Louis has decided he would like to be walking now. To be clear, he’s not yet. But he has fully mastered crawling and is now moving on to pulling himself up to stand/cruising. He’s still quite shaky on his feet, so we aren’t expecting that he’ll take off anytime soon, but he is a powerhouse of striving for it. Such a sweet bluebird he is.

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